Sustenance

Sustaining Creativity

Hi there. I am once again begging for forgiveness as I write many months later than the self-imposed deadline that I have created for myself, shared to the world through this newsletter, and burned out on life, loathing the fact that I declared a cadence to my creative works to begin with. It seems to me that the one thing that I can consistently maintain is inconsistency, as I get bored, frustrated or just generally enjoy variety as a lifestyle, depending on the relationship I have with myself at the time of writing.

To be honest, it’s fucking exhausting, and personally I’d hate following my work if I was in fact a member of this small but lovely group of readers that I have built over the last couple of years.

Through well-practiced intellectualization, I have honed a series of well-worn critiques of capitalism, the lack of economic value we place on the arts and an enthusiasm for mavericks that loathe the career-oriented grind set that value commerce over creativity.

And oh boy does it protect the ego when I put off drawing for months. It’s a series of tools that I can whip out the moment I’m feeling avoidant or anxious. I was “too busy” or “going through it” or “moving to another country”. All of which are valid excuses for not writing consistently, but it’s important to understand that there are indeed consequences to those actions.

Speaking of which, I’m in Taiwan now. Not sure when I’ll be back, but so far, I’m enjoying it quite a bit. I’m sure I’ll write some about it, especially considering the familial connection I have to the place. It’s a fun story, but more on that later!

Ultimately, this is a meditation on sustenance. If the sustenance of creativity is contingent upon my current emotional state, it is absurd to imagine it ever becoming anything more than a hobby. I speak for myself here, but I think the idea certainly applies to many creators out there. If you really want to do this as a profession, why don’t you treat it as one? How many times can you tell a boss that you’ll have the project done in one week, only to delay it by a month?

You’d get fired pretty quickly, and most would feel pretty justified siding with the employer.

This isn’t me committing to a new deadline. Clearly, I have some work to do on my relationship to accountability. Some might say I’m being hard on myself, but it’s the emotions I’m feeling right now as I come back to writing after a long break. I’m mad at myself for not doing something that matters so much to me, and hope that I can someday do it with some commercial value as opposed to just a hobby.

What I can promise is that I won’t be asking anything more of my audience until I have rebuilt some trust. Trust that when I say something is happening, it’ll be there. Trust that if I asked for your support, it ended up being a worthwhile endeavor.

Take a leap of faith for the time being. Anticipate a more regular cadence of writing, art and comics this time around. Starting now…